programming

i liked using emacs and thinking in lisp for a long time. i gave those up a while ago. One doesn't really give up thinking in lisp - i mean i stopped trying to look at everything as s-expressions even though i could.

Deromanticizing is the word i use around this recent effort/phase - i've been at it for around 2 months and i'm not enjoying working at all. i used to like the feel of over-caffeinating and titrating L-theanine, loading some tunes and just bashing away on my keyboard.

i'm not really taking that too well - i miss loving programming - even ditched the whole bit-mage angle around exploring all of computer science and started exploring some hobbies outside the screen (stone carving/sculpting, motorcycles, etc).

i still miss the feeling - couldn't really pin down the whole deromanticized take on things - don't think it extrapolates well for my mental health..

i'm fairly young into my career still - it's just been 4 years so far of being a software engineer professionally and it feels like i've spent a bunch of epochs in terms of the way i think of it.

it doesn't excite me anymore as much as it used to before - i can get more done and i know more than before and i'm better than before but i'm losing the joy around it - the joy to study more and know more.

it all started with agentic engineering/programming not needing being crafty with your fingers anymore - you type and wait for longer and longer durations now - before, thinking and typing went along well. Now, not so much.

LLMs ofcourse play a part but they aren't the core reason behind this overall emotional recession around the domain.

i'm into the whole super user oriented HCI aspect (Human computer interaction) and like to share a certain awareness with the computer when i'm working with it.

i tried filling in the vacuum of that with other kinds of intellectual hobbies - getting into math being the primary one - but that is engagement along some other cognitive dimension and i still feel a lack.

i'm planning a revival though - writing like this, like i used to when i did my university days, not quite prioritizing polish and just logging, is the first step i'm taking towards it.

i do like computer science, and do plan on spending a life with it but just happen to have hit a speed bump is my take..

i've ditched evalengizing emacs and lisp for i previously thought others would benefit knowing about that way of interacting with a computer; given LLMs though - that doesn't seem as necessary for them.

i'll still continue to anticipate enjoying a lisp again - might start hand writing some soon again.

it was a carrier for many of the more sophisticated abstractions i explored; since the drop, that has habit and the will to do so has deteriorated quite a lot.

Don't quite know how i revive it though - simply have a strong intent to do so right now, the pragmatic question around - is it even worth it right now always comes back

i am getting back into neovim and the whole unix way of doing things though. Before the 6 years with emacs, i spend 18 months in vim and the CLI and those were fun times too.